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Let's start Again...

Shrinking Out Loud I like to think and write. I am not sure either is that good for me, and I do them to excess anyway. I have created this space as a place to document a journey I am embarking on for myself. I am seeking healing and growth and most of all to be the best version of myself I can be. Though I am overweight, it's not the thing I want you to remember about me. I am always sure that is the only thing anyone can ever see about me. I have curly hair, a cutie husband, four ridiculously adorable children, a beautiful house, caring family members, a dysfunctional family dynamic, so many friends and two of the sweetest doggos a lady could wish for. I have so so so much. Yet, I carry the toxic thoughts and self-harm around like a badge of honor in the form of an aching body, double chin, and a big round belly. All these things are true, but only one is a terrible secret that adds fuel to the fire of conceit, deep sadness and self-medicating and dosing. So, what's next?
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Good work!

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My mental tape has been playing rude messages in my mind and I am pleased to report now wrong it is!! I have been doing well with the new eating plan. Mr. Hubby has joined in the journey, which I must admit keeps me so much more motivated. But, back to the negative mental tape. Do you have one, do you know what I am talking about? Mine always, no matter what my expectations, likes to throw something about how I shouldn't be so lazy in there. It shouldn't or shoulds me about everything! This mental tape I am referring to is different than my conscious. That is in mind my mind too, helping me steer away from poor choices, but this tape... it just isn't neccessary. That's the difference. It is such a habit. Here is a good example. I was driving in my car, kind of zoning out when the mental tape popped on and said, "You can't expect big changes if you don't go to the gym." I continued in the conversation by starting the list of negative mental excuses I
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Today is the Day!

I have been sitting on the idea of wanting to transform myself on a spiritual and physical level...mostly physically actually, for years at this point. It has been so easy to eat myself blind to the life I have built around me. If you have never struggled with weight and anxiety, this read may be boring and shallow. However, if you HAVE I am willing to bet my story is one you can closely relate to. I am going to launch this conversion or journey, inviting you along. It's time. I am ready to put my heart and soul (for longer than three weeks) into a change. Day 1 Weight 259 Ack! How did I let myself get to this number? I want to hate myself, but I know better. It won't solve anything and really the proof is in the pudding! People that love, truly love themselves don't hide from the world and hurt with food. Or do they? I have been doing a lot of research leading up to this journey and I have concluded that a large portion of our nation's issues with food comes from the
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